What is My Super Specific Search?

Follow my search for a hyper-specific item in pursuit of a certain look. I show you which styles I gravitate towards, the emotions they elicit, and where they can be found. All ending with which items I will take a chance on, and which ones I won’t. Use my search to streamline your own.

Some backstory: I felt obligated to buy a pair of earrings shaped like grapes two years ago to support a new, woman-owned business. Figuring out how to style them has haunted me ever since. To begin conquering my fears, I need to verify that there are food earrings in the world that I would buy, even when not under duress. Thus, my super specific search is...

Statement earrings obviously shaped like food but that don’t look corny (oops...) like you just got your ears pierced at Claire’s.

What does that even mean?

Desired feelings when wearing this item are...

Items I am trying so far. All the descriptions below have links, FYI.

One time I saw @beerbottles_chainsaws wearing Ritz Cracker earrings so I bought Ritz Cracker earrings. I like these because they are so clearly crackers when you look closely but the shape hides it so well. Dadybones, $95
These make me laugh but I would never be able to wear them outside of a costume. The shape is too recognizable as a fortune cookie and can't be read any other way. Not subversive enough to be clever. Dadybones, $125
These cherries are delightful because they use the natural shape of the fruit with no frills. As a statement object that highlights the flesh, both of the neck and the food. Kind Regards, $28; Etsy, MissSunshineGiftShop, $14.99
I know I have trashing food earrings that are too literal in shape but there is something about this oyster that becomes abstract as you look at it longer and longer. I kind of love these crazy things. Kunst, $34 CAD
This rendition of the grape earring is more my speed than the ones I have, because they embody the organic, natural shape of an actual pod. Takes the kitsch out of wearing the food. Whitney Museum of American Art Shop, $32
I would never wear these because if I wore them, I know the conversation would be centered around these citrus gongs, as opposed to my outfit as a whole. The earring must blend into the outfit as a whole for it to have any change at being classy. Etsy (CasaAndFlores), $34.56
While the orange slice didn't translate, how often have you seen the cross-section of a fig depicted? The seed shape and imperfect color blending in the fruit is definitely abstract enough to work for me. Etsy (SlicesOfCitrus), $30.50 
Simply put, I don't like the craftsmanship on these lemons. They do not capture the delicate peel and feel like ugly blobs that make an outfit drab. Not to mention, the price tag is uncalled for. Morgan Hill, $120
Horrible. Cartoon depictions of kiwis, a fruit with a naturally gorgeous inside, prevent this set of earrings from ever being successful as a versatile, mature accessory. Etsy (Everyfelt), $7.99
The price is high on these earrings but I think they are my favorite implementation of food earrings I have seen thus far in all my research. They are plates of blini with caviar to top. They are simultaneously so literal and abstract. Chefanie, $250

Other keywords that proved useful in this search...